I Need You Here
by Just a Thought
Summary: It's about a darker theme, suicide to be specific. Don't read this if your having a bad day, I wrote this when I was feeling depressed.


Warnings:Swearing. It's border line R but I figured I could get away with PG-13 because of the ending. Why was it R? Because it's A VERY DARK FIC!!!! However it has a happy ending for all of you that care (and that's the only reason I was debaiting on whether to make it R or PG-13). It's about suicide. Don't flame me saying I'm sick. I wrote this to show that suicide hurts a family, and I used DBZ as the vehicle. (Sorry, I'm a bit paranoid right now.) 

Disclaimer: Don't own DB, DBZ, DBGT series or characters, nor do I make money off 'em. 

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Sometimes I just wonder if the Z senshi ever get tired of the fighting and just want to end it. If they feel like their lives are at absolute zero. So that's what this is based on. ~blah blah blah.~ of course means they're thinking. 

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Gohan ran his hand along the shiny steel of the gun and sighed. ~At what point did my life become so out of control?~ he asked himself silently. 

He felt the tears threatening to break through. His vision began to blur and he realized he was crying. Silently though. Just letting the tears run down. He knew he could easily kill himself without using a gun, but he wanted to die like a normal human being. Not like some alien from outer space. 

~I might have been able to stand it, if you were still here with me.~ he whispered to himself thinking of his father. ~But this time, this time your gone for good.~ 

Gohan gently wiped a tear away, the memory of the battle clear in his mind. 

-Flash Back- 

"Gohan! Get out of here!" Goku yelled straining to be heard over the explosions of rapid fire chi. 

"I won't leave you!" Gohan cried back trying to follow his father's chi in the thick smoke. 

He felt strong arms embrace him in a deep hug, then he heard his father's voice. "I know you want to stay and help me, but you have to leave. You'll be a greater help off the battle field then on it with me. As long as your safe I can go all out." 

Gohan nodded as he felt the strong arms pull away. 

"And get the others out of here." his father added before disappearing. 

Gohan felt like his heart was breaking, but he obeyed. Later he found out that his father had been killed by the enemy. Even later, before he could avenge his father's death Vegeta had killed the enemy. 

-Present- 

~So does that make Vegeta the strongest warrior?~ Gohan asked. He hung his head in shame. ~I'm still that helpless little kid to him. I always will be.~ he thought darkly. ~There's nothing left for me in the world.~ 

Gohan brought the gun up to rest in his mouth. He tasted the bitter metallic surface. It almost tasted like blood. The blood that would be in his mouth shortly. 

Gohan's thumb twitched on the trigger. His hand began to shake and he got a sick feeling in his gut. 

~Why doesn't dad call to me from heaven? If he really cared about me he would try to talk me out of this.~ Gohan gulped. The world seemed to turn upside down. A burst of new tears sprang forth from his eyes. 

The dark room became even darker. At first, Gohan thought he had pulled the trigger without knowing it, but a quick check assured him he hadn't. 

Gohan looked at the clock. The green glowing numbers showed it was 3:11 in the morning. He was staying with his brother. ~If I pulled the trigger he'd come running. But by then it would be too late.~ 

Gohan shuddered at the thought of his lifeless body, blood soaked, lying on the bed still as death. He could imagine his brother running to his bed side and shaking him violently. 

Gohan removed the gun from his mouth and started to cry again. For so long he had kept his emotions bottled up inside of himself. Now it was simply too much. With the passing of his father, he had just snapped. 

A small high pitched cry escaped Gohan's lips. He immediately covered his mouth with both of his hands and froze. Had Goten heard? Was he on his way, coming to investigate? After a few minutes he was convinced that he was still asleep. He shuddered again and prepared to lift the gun to his mouth again when he heard a knock on the door. 

Gohan froze as Goten walked into the room. Gohan's heart started beating twice as fast when he realized his brother was fully awake. 

"Goten?" he managed to whisper, but the sob in his voice gave him away. 

"Gohan, something's wrong with you." Goten stated and sat down on the bed next to his brother. 

Gohan clutched the gun tighter, fearing his brother might try to take it away. 

"Gohan, c'mon, tell me what's wrong?" Goten demanded. He reached out to take his brother's shoulder, but the darkness caused him to miss, and his palms connected with Gohan's tightly clenched fingers. 

"What's this..." Goten asked fingering the gun. His eyes shot wide when he felt the wet end. He had by then realized his brother was holding a weapon. He knew exactly what Gohan had been about to do, and it scared him. 

"G...Gohan?" Goten asked looking at his brother in the eyes. 

The whites of Gohan's eyes disappeared as he slid them tightly shut. 

Goten felt wetness begin to gather in his eyes. ~I won't cry. I won't cry.~ he thought to himself blinking away the tears. ~I need to be strong for Gohan right now.~ 

"Goten, leave." Gohan said flatly. 

"What?" Goten's remark came out as more of a sob. 

"I want..." Gohan began to say, but stopped himself and changed his wording. "I need to die. The pain is to heavy of a weight on my soul." 

"No." Goten said defiantly. He wasn't about to leave his older brother alone. 

Gohan looked up at Goten. His eyes revealing just how he felt about his past. Goten sucked in a deep breath of air in surprise at all the pain and angst. Gohan's eyes sparkled in the moonlight, the gentle light bouncing off the tears, making them, to some effect seem like crystal beads. 

Goten felt himself speechless. Unable to move. Unable to comfort. Unable to help. He shuddered like an autumn leaf being played with in the harsh wind. He felt a terrible aching in his heart. Like it was being torn in two. 

Then something snapped. Goten balled his left hand into a fist and punched Gohan in the face. 

"I can't believe you, your such a coward. You'd leave me and mom, just because you felt so lost! I hate you! You had a better life. You grew up protected, you grew up with a dad. I had none of those luxuries!" he practically yelled, "Wake up! What about Videl and Pan? Are you going to make Pan grow up without a father? Dam, I love you!" Goten cried contradicting himself. "Even Trunks could never replace you." 

Gohan remained calm. "In some ways though you were lucky. You grew up tough, didn't let it get to you. That's why I'm trying to take my life, and your trying to stop me." 

"No. It got to me, so many nights I lay awake wondering if it would be worth it or not. To live, to die." Goten felt the tears spring to his eyes at the painful memory. "And to lose dad again nearly drove me insane. But I knew I had to go on. If I died too it would be another loss for you and mom." 

"I just can't believe he's gone." Gohan said softly diverting his gaze towards the window. "I used to believe that life meant more than anything. But now, something's wrong. It's so empty, and I just can't find reason to believe I was right. Can't believe anymore." 

"That doesn't mean you have to die!" Goten cried. 

"What's the point?" Gohan asked hopelessly. 

"The point is that suicide only hurts the ones you love." Goten countered. 

"I can't believe that." Gohan replied bringing the gun up to his temple this time. He felt the end of the it resting against his skin. Before he could pull the trigger however, Goten had jumped up at full speed and had grasped the gun. As Gohan pulled the trigger he pulled the gun upwards. The bullet fired and shot straight up into the ceiling. 

Goten was shaking badly. The adrenaline rushed through his veins as he tried to pull the gun out of Gohan's hand. It was futile however. His older brother was simply too strong. Gohan knocked his brother's hand away as gently as possible. Once again positioning the gun for the fatal shot. 

"No!" Goten screamed. He was worn out from the struggle. The speed burst and strength duel had been to much. He lay there by his brother where he had fallen. He now no longer had the strength to hold back the tears any longer. They came forth suddenly, spilling out. "Please don't do it Gohan." he begged. "Don't splatter me with your blood. Don't make me feel helpless, don't make me feel guilty for your death!" he pleaded. 

Gohan looked down on him, colder than Goten had ever seen his brother look. 

"Gohan." Goten whimpered feeling so weak. "Please don't kill yourself. I can try to be strong, but I still need you here with me." Goten sobbed. 

~If he kills himself, I'll never forgive myself.~ Goten thought. ~If he shoots himself his blood will fall on me. It will be my fault.~ 

"Gohan. Your not yourself. Your too cold!" Goten cried with a touch of anger in his voice, but mostly just sorrow. 

Goten shut his eyes tightly. He could picture his mother coming by in the morning. Only to find Gohan dead, and his blood covering himself. What about Videl? Pan? ~They...we need you Gohan.~ he thought. 

"Gohan. I depend on your strength now. On your level headedness. Why do you want to kill yourself?" 

"I am of no importance." Gohan said rather blankly. 

"NO YOU AREN'T!" Goten screamed. "IF YOU DIE, A PART OF ME DIES WITH YOU, JUST LIKE IT DID WHEN DAD DIED!" 

Gohan sighed, he knew that he would never be able to fully convey his thoughts to Goten. "You'll never understand." 

~Everything worth fighting for is already dead.~ Gohan thought in his head. 

"Understand what?" Goten asked with a touch of curiosity in his voice. 

"Never mind." Gohan replied dismissing the issue. 

"What?" Goten screamed, "Damnit, tell me!" 

"I doubt you'd care." Gohan sighed. 

"I'm your little brother, of course I'd care!" Goten was on the verge of having a nervous breakdown. 

Gohan set the gun aside and sat Goten up in front of him. He looked to Goten very, very sad and suddenly older and tired. "I don't want to hurt you, I don't want to hurt anyone. But the pain inside is eating me alive." he paused, tears ran down his checks, "You look so much like dad." he whispered shaking his head. 

Goten set one of his hands on Gohan's shoulder. "I'm sorry." he said quietly. 

"For what?" sobbed Gohan. 

"For being a miniature version of dad. For looking just like him." Goten sadly replied. "I know every time you guys see me you think of dad." 

Gohan shook his head slowly, "It's not you." he told Goten. 

"Then what is it?" Goten questioned. 

Gohan reached over and flipped on the small TV. It was on the news. Clips of soldiers marching, wounded, and dead played. Gohan quickly set it off. Throwing the small remote he'd been using across the room and smashing into the wall instantly turning it into scrap. 

"It's not just war." Gohan cried, "It's burglary, murder, rape, racism. The world seems like it's in utter chaos." 

Goten was surprised at his older brother's sudden show of violence, still, he pulled his brother close into a hug. Gohan was surprised when he heard Goten crying. 

"Gohan." he whispered, "I need you on earth with me. I need your strength, your companionship, you. Your my older brother, I couldn't bare to go on by myself. I need you here, because without you this cold world will be even colder." 

Gohan blinked, his head buzzed with sick realization that until now he had been too blind to see. He realized only now what his brother was saying. ~I must've been a fool.~ he thought to himself. He felt so guilty in his heart that he had caused Goten so much grief. 

He broke their embrace and grabbed the gun. Goten gasped in horror, but then breathed a sigh of peace when Gohan demolished the gun with a small chi blast. 

"I'm so sorry." Gohan whispered, crying. 

"As long as you never try that again, it's okay." Goten soothed. 

In the shadows, unnoticed by the two brothers, Goku smiled. "I'm sorry I couldn't reach you Gohan." he said, "Your so lucky to have a brother like Goten." he whispered. With one last look he silently stepped back through the wall and disappeared back to heaven. 

END 

Well, at least it had a happy ending. That's all I have to say. Other then that, I hope you decide to comment. 


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